All fathers experience moments where they feel like failures. Do you know how Jesus can redeem those moments?

It happens in a moment.

My kid acts, and I react sinfully. I raise my voice in frustration, choose a consequence that is not fitting, or any number of things that are out of line.

Now I’m angry at both my child and myself. And usually, my child and my wife are angry at me. This creates a second moment. I can now double down on the whole mess, and too often I do.

Feeling the failure

Perhaps there are a few fathers out there who can nod along. Maybe you’re one of them. It feels horrible, right? We’re supposed to be the leaders of our homes. We’re supposed to pastor our families. We set the tone, and now we’ve blown it—again.

But there is good news! There is life-giving news about what the redemptive work of Jesus means in these times. But before heralding it, I want to stay in this moment of fatherly failure to point out how the Enemy plays us.

Recognize the messenger

Do you hear messages like, “I’m a failure, what business do I have leading my family? I’m a joke. It will all go better if I just shut up and pull back. I’ll go work on a project or do something useful so I don’t screw up my kids any more.”

If so, you’re hearing a demonic message. But wait, isn’t it just you talking to yourself? Don’t be fooled. Demons can do a remarkably good impression of your voice. Their words are lies and accusations with evil origins. The Enemy “accuses [us, the followers of Jesus] day and night before our God.” (Rev. 12:10)

God will not punish both Jesus and you for your sin.

Conviction or condemnation?

Was the sin against your child a failure? Yes, absolutely. But while the Enemy brings condemnation, the Spirit brings conviction. Jesus said that the Spirit “will convict the world concerning sin” (John 16:8). Conviction is the polar opposite of condemnation.

Read this passage and see what happens in your mind:

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. (1 John 2:1–6)

Did you get to the end of this verse and feel condemnation again? “I’m not living up to that!” It’s amazing how quick the Enemy is to twist God’s Word. Read verses 1–2 again: “But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins.”

Dads, we will fail. But we have an opportunity to see God redeem our failures.

Fellow fathers, hear the good news: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1). God has put the full wrath earned by your sin upon Jesus. He will not punish both Jesus and you for your sin. Christ alone took the complete punishment, and so no punishment is left to give. Thus the Spirit’s conviction is pure grace.

How God redeems our failure

What then do we do in the moment of sin against our child? Do we merely receive God’s grace and walk away? No. We respond to his action with our action, and his kindness with our kindness.

By God’s grace he has taught me (and is still teaching me) to kneel down, look my child in the eye, confess my sin against them, and ask their forgiveness. If I sinned against them in front of the family, I do this in front of the family.

While the Enemy brings condemnation, the Spirit brings conviction.

Dads, we will fail. But we have an opportunity to see God redeem our failures. By doing so we are putting our faith in God to heal us. We see that the conviction stays with us to help safeguard against future failures. We will raise up children who will know what to do when they fail: refute the accusations of the Enemy, receive the conviction of the Spirit. and walk in humble obedience.

May God encourage your obedience to him when you sin against your children. May your sin against them steadily and radically decrease. May God breath life where the Enemy sought to sow division and death. And may you experience a deeper reverence and joy in the cross of Christ.