Dave Bruskas » Family Marriage Home Church Church Leadership

Being a pastor is considered by some to be a very demanding job. But every pastor gets just how tough his work really is, and every pastor also knows there is no tougher role, anywhere, than being a pastor’s wife.

As I begin my twentieth year in pastoral ministry, each spent with my wife faithfully by my side, I have learned some really important things about being her husband. She belongs to Jesus and follows him more closely than anyone I have ever known. And I have committed to Jesus to love her in these four ways.

I Will Pursue Her

My wife is a delightful and deep person. I really enjoy getting to know her. That isn’t ever a problem. But here’s my problem: I am an introvert in a people-driven vocation.

That means I have to preserve my best energy for my wife, and it often requires me to tell some really great people “no” when they request my energy. This also means disappointing them. But I would much rather live with their disappointment than miss out on knowing my wife more deeply.

I Will Pastor Her

A pastor’s first flock is his home, and his favorite first flock member is his wife. He has a greater responsibility to shepherd her than anyone else.

Every pastor knows there is no tougher role than being a pastor’s wife.

I love sharing the gospel with my wife. Her heart is so open, and her insights are amazing. We spend time each day sharing with each other what we are learning about Jesus from the Bible. Then, the Sunday sermon debrief is a highlight of the week. She challenges me through her obedience to Jesus.

It’s real work to keep up with her so as to lead her—and it’s the most rewarding work I’ve ever known.

I Will Protect Her

I am a sinner. So is my wife, and so is every member of our church.

This makes things very messy and even dangerous at times. People hurt people. I have to be very careful in the things I share with my wife about my work. While I can never be dishonest with her, I have kept instances of hateful criticisms and information of horrible sin from her. I have asked her to trust me when I have had to say after her inquiry for more information, “I think it would be better for everyone if I kept this between me and Jesus.”

A pastor’s first flock is his home, and his favorite first flock member is his wife.

It takes strength for her to let these things go, and she is a very strong woman. I also have to protect her from relationships with women whose intentions are questionable. Over the years, she has grown to rely on my discernment, and I have grown in trusting hers as well.

I Will Pray with Her

My wife loves the church. She wants to be really involved in pointing others to Jesus.

She does this both through words and actions. The very best thing we can do together for the church is to pray for them. Praying together for the people we serve also binds us at a deep heart level. We pray more today for the church than we ever have before, and we are more at peace with ministry than we have ever been. We are also closer to Jesus and each other than we have ever been. Amazing how those things all work together!

 

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