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Giving Her Away

Dave Bruskas » Family Marriage Children

Giving Her Away

One of the hardest moments in a dad’s life is giving away his daughter in marriage. Preparing her for that moment is even harder.

The day that a little girl looks forward to more than any other is also the same day her daddy dreads most: her wedding day.

As I spent the last few days with my oldest daughter, Lisa, before her wedding, I couldn’t look at her without crying. While I was happy she found a good man to marry, one who loves Jesus and her, I couldn’t help but think that her gain would be my loss.

The hardest moment

Years before the big day, I had asked her if she wanted me, a pastor, to officiate the ceremony. She smiled and said, “I just want you to sit with mommy. She’ll need you there.” Lisa was half-right. I needed to sit with Kara, my wife. But it was mostly because I needed her support.

The day that a little girl looks forward to more than any other is also the same day her daddy dreads most: her wedding day.

Lisa and I waited in the back of the processional line behind her bridesmaids and ring bearers. Before we entered the chapel, the doors shut once more so that they could be reopened in grand fashion. When they shut, I began to weep. Lisa cried too but grabbed my arm firmly, then said, “Daddy, we aren’t crying like this on my wedding day.” I put on my big-boy pants and my best happy face and walked her down the aisle. Then, I sat next to my bride and watched my daughter get married.

A daughter’s vows

Something incredible happened when Lisa read her personal vows to her groom, Tobin. As I listened closely to the words she had written, I suddenly realized that part of my work in her life was finished. And I had done a good job.

Despite the countless mistakes I had made along the way, my daughter understood what it meant to be a Christian wife. Her vows revealed to me that she was prepared to enter into the most important human relationship she will ever have.

With her permission, I’d like to share what she read aloud here:

Tobin, I make these vows to you as a demonstration and expression not only of my love for you but also for Jesus, knowing full well that I am a sinner, I am imperfect, flawed, and I will fall short. I make these vows to you because I will strive to keep them with all my heart and strength not just because I love you, but in obedience to our perfect Savior who designed and ordained the sacred covenant of marriage.

I vow to give myself up for you daily and sacrificially as God gave his son up for us as sinners, and to put your needs before mine.

I vow to count your interests more important, and in humility to consider others better than myself.

I vow to walk in the Spirit daily and love Jesus first, to work to keep him my everything so that he may enable me to love you fully as my husband.

I vow to find my all and identity in Jesus and not to pressure you to be my meaning, significance, and satisfaction in life.

I vow to serve you intentionally and sacrificially with joy in my heart as Jesus served us all the way to the cross.

I vow not to expect you to read my mind but humbly and eagerly come before you expressing my desires and needs.

I vow not to manipulate and control, and I vow not to be a slave to my emotions, because this is sin and displeases the Lord.

I vow to give you grace and mercy freely, openly, and often, as the Lord so generously gives us.

I vow to affirm you and encourage you. I vow to build you up and cheer you on when you feel no one else will.

I vow to be your best friend, to listen to you, to talk to you, to cry with you, to laugh with you, and to love on you.

I vow to do more side-by-side things with you, and to take on your passions, interests, and hobbies as my own.

I vow to love you on your worst day at the lowest of lows, and on your best day.

Despite the countless mistakes I had made along the way, my daughter understood what it meant to be a Christian wife.

I vow to submit to you in obedience and in honor of our savior Jesus, the ultimate example of submission, who gave up his life for us.

I vow to respect you with my words, thoughts, and actions, and to be a wife your heart will trust in, as it says in Proverbs 31.

I vow to do good to you, not harm, all the days of my life, and to be a faithful steward of your trust and affection.

I vow to be a strong woman but also tender, to care for you and nurture you.

I vow to be tenderhearted; to keep no record of wrongs and to forgive as Jesus forgives us.

I vow to be open, honest and vulnerable with you, holding nothing back, and to ask for help, prayer, and encouragement when I am feeling weak, defeated, and discouraged.

I vow to not pretend to have it all together, but instead to be transparent with my heart, sin, and struggles.

I vow to allow you to watch me mess up and fail and eagerly allow you to help me and build me back up.

I vow to have humility, to pray for a softened heart, and to be eager to hear you speak hard truth and the gospel in love.

I vow to accept you fully as imperfect, but also to hold you accountable and to love you the whole way through it.

I vow to preach and live out the gospel without fear or shame, to claim and own my sin, to repent, and to hope in Jesus for transformation.

I vow to demonstrate biblical and radical love that Paul talks about. To be patient and kind, to not envy or boast, to be slow to anger and quick to listen. To be humble, not proud or self-seeking.

I vow to keep our home a safe haven, an escape from work and a source of comfort.

I vow to speak the truth in love with kindness, gentleness, grace, and patience.

I vow not to obsess over the small things or take life too seriously, and instead to cherish and enjoy my days with you.

I vow to give you, assure you of, and show you my love freely, daily, and often.

I vow to kiss, hug, and touch you often because there will never too much.

I vow not to try to pretend to know all the answers or solutions but instead point you to our perfect counselor, Jesus.

I vow to submit to you as the head of our household and my spiritual authority.

I vow to be committed, faithful, and loyal to you, to work through things with endurance, strength, and persistence, never giving up.

I vow to be both a lover and a friend at all times, especially when facing adversity and hard times.

Whether I live for another day or another 100 years, I vow to strive to keep Jesus as the center of our marriage, and to spend every day loving Jesus more and loving you more like Jesus.

The ceremony ended quickly in the same way it had begun: focused on Jesus.

We took a lot of pictures. Then we headed to the wedding banquet and reception. And I have never had more fun in my life or joy in my heart as I watched my little girl dance with my new son-in-law among her family and friends for hours. We had the time of our lives as we caught a glimpse of what the King has in store for us in his Kingdom.

 


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